Loosen Up?

Did you ever think there was more to someone then what they really show? Today, I was sadly told that I need to "loosen up" more. But to be completely fair, I am this way because this is how I know I can "focus" in school. This way I know I will get out of my house asap. I don't remember what it was like to have fun, I hate seeming like a bully to my brothers and I can't explain my reasons for doing so other than saying I have to admit I try to get them to "toughen up". My brother said to me "Cowards survive." But Cowards only survive because their wuss' I was a Coward and I regret being one. Cowards are bullied, harassesed and end up in some form of therapy for it the rest of their lives. I don't know how to loosen up, I am no Coward anymore, I am a stiff un-fun and boring person. This is who I am. I have learned to "toughen up" and plan on making my brothers learn to "toughen up" One has already been suspended three times for some form of bullying. I do not believe in Cowards, I do not believe in loosening up because if I loosen up... Well I'm not sure, I just don't know how to loosen up. I don't know how not to be mean and rough to my brothers. I know how to be nice but to me you earn my "niceness" you do not get it. You only earn it. Do my brothers earn it? One of them does, the other? Well when he stops being a condescending jerk to me maybe so. But see my dad thinks it's all me, if I "ignored" him he would stop, if I stop telling him to "stop" he'd stop. He hasn't stopped since he learned to talk. I am a nice person. I can be a nice person. But I'm not afraid to be a total... to someone. My brother feels he can be incredibly irritating, rude, and unbelieveably and annoyingly a smart... he finds it funny and he finds it clever.

"No one can make you inferior unless you give them consent." Eleanor Roosevelt said this, my only problem with this is that sometimes some people can make you feel inferior when they are an annoying smart...

I can't stand my brother, I feel like I can't loosen up because when I loosen up I let my guard down and when I let my guard down he some how makes me want to burst into tears and leave. I can't stand this boy. I can't loosen up. I don't know how to loosen up and even if I did I don't know if I'd want to... Sure being stiff is kind of boring, but it keeps me focused and the more focused I can be the better for me, because that means I'm doing my best.